That moment when a part of your past disappears

Today, I am writing with a heavy heart. So heavy that it cannot be explained with the English language. Or any other language for that matter.

Why? I lost four of my family members in a freak fire accident on the 9th of October. They were on their way back from Thirupathi. That day I wondered, is there God? Is there?

My dad's brother Satyanarayana who was 52, his wife Mahalakshmi who was 45, and their children, Prashanth Kumar who was 26 and Deepa Mala who was 25 were the victims. We lived in the same (big) house from the day I was born till I turned 14. It was "one big happy family". And now they are no more.

Prashanth and I were like twins. He was born five days before me. We took our first steps together, probably said our first words together, did all the stupid things kids do for the first time together, And then some. We had each others back. No matter what the situation. It was an unclassifiable vow. We never said it to each other. Not even once but I knew that "Prashanth was there for me" and I was for him.

Golden moments are one too many with Prashanth. Still remember when we walked back home from school. Ten kilometers we walked and walked fearlessly only to come home to see our parents freaked out as they thought we got kidnapped or something. We got "PLASTERED" that day. That day did not go very well.

L-R - Me (Yogesh) and Prashanth - NOTE: We're wearing the same thing.

He was crazy about cricket. To this date, I have not met a single person who is as mad about cricket as he was. Honestly, he had the potential to make it big. He took his cricket so seriously that I remember him bunking classes in school to watch different batting strokes "in the nets". Today, I saw the news and it said that Sachin Tendulkar is going to retire from all forms of cricket within the next fortnight and I thought to myself "If Prashanth was here to see it, he would've cried like a baby to watch the legend retire".

L-R - Still wearing the same thing - Prashanth and Me (Yogesh) while Deepa overlooking- HAPPY TIMES

Deepa was my younger sister. I cannot count the number of pranks we've played on her and she would fall for all of them over and over again. Like how people "suck" on their thumbs while asleep, Deepa had the habit of putting both her ring finger and middle finger in her mouth while asleep. A habit which our parents struggled to get rid off. They tried every trick in the book to do away with that habit but couldn't. Finally, after a considerable amount of time, it passed. And I must say, everyone was happy.

Deepa was the "cry-baby" amongst us. No food, she would cry. No hot water, she would cry. No cold water, she would cry. No electricity, she would cry. Homework not done, she would cry. Homework done, she would cry. Yes, that is how much she cried.

I remember the day when she wanted to use lipstick and ended up painting her complete face red. Needless to say, our mothers laughed till they dropped to the floor looking at her while Deepa had no clue what was going on. Today, she was on her way to become a fashion designer. I know she would've done well. It was a skill she gained the day she picked up the lipstick twenty years ago. Jaws dropped then, jaws would've dropped again. Only this time, she would've been awesome in the acceptable way.


My Uncle and Aunt- They raised me as much as my own parents did. They loved me truly. When my parents would "ground" me, I would run to them for support and without a second thought, I would get it. "Bad mummy... Mummy is bad" I would say to her and she would console me.

"My favorite son", that is how my uncle would describe me to everyone. There had been times when Prashanth has felt bad for it but his dad did not stop referring to me like that. My Aunt was known to have the laugh of a lifetime by looking at Prashanth and me upto our mischief be it playing a prank on Deepa or dismantling the newest most expensive toy to bits and not knowing how to put it back together. I still remember they way they looked at me, carried me around, fed me, cared for me and consoled me when I needed it the most.

Over the years, although a lot of bad blood had piled on due to issues unimportant at the moment, I loved them and respected them from the bottom of my heart. I wish I had told them that.

Clockwise - Me teaching Deepa how to balance on a cycle that is already balanced,  Joint family batch 1, Prashanth and Me (Twins mode), Prashanth and Me out of the shower.(Prashanth and Me still wearing/not wearing the SAME THING)

I was going through my childhood snaps today. One thing was very clear. EVERY SINGLE snap had one of them. EVERY ONE. Now that is saying something.

I close my eyes to "see" them. The good times and bad. From the moments we fought to buy our first bicycles to when we (Prashanth and I) drank whiskey off the bottle and spoke about how our future will be and how different we'll make it. It was pure gold.

It hurts me that I need to come to terms that they are no more. It's like a part of my childhood was taken away in a flash.

Life is unfair, I've heard. Now I know.

Rest in Peace Prashanth, Deepa and family. When its my time to meet you, I sure hope you're at the gates waiting for me.

-Yogesh Babu

(www.fb.com/yogesh87)